Tuesday, September 10, 2013

The Legendary Pinterest Fight of '13

Pinterest and I are kind of having a fight.  Not like a breakup-worthy fight; more of a go-to-our-separate-corners-and-cool-off kind of fight. 

The fight originated because we have two naughty dogs. Simon and River have decided that the millions of toys that we've bought them are no longer fun enough. The coolest, tastiest chew toy we possess is our couch.



This couch.  Those little specks on the floor are pieces of foam and batting that have been ripped out of the far left cushion.

Let me make one thing clear: this couch is uglier than homemade sin. I'm aware of that. However, it's a damn sturdy couch and it's nearly older than I am, so I feel compelled to save it.   This couch was bought by my Aunt Carole, and it sat in her house for several years before she gave it to my parents.  It served us well when I was growing up, right up until I moved out and my parents upgraded and gave it to me and Jimmy.

Also, we don't have several hundred dollars lying around for new living room furniture.  I probably would have let go of it long before now if we could afford a new living room set.  But, you know, we like to eat, so that option is out.

Anyways.  Now that the dogs have started to eat it (and Mom, there isn't enough bitter apple spray in the world to get them to leave it alone), I figured it was time to do something about it.

I've long been considering buying a slipcover for this couch, and our freebie couch I found on craigslist.  (It is, if possible, even uglier than this one.)  But store bought slipcovers, in my limited experience, are either really ugly, or really expensive.  So of course, I turned to Pinterest. I found a tutorial for "No-sew bedsheet slipcovers."  It only required two king size flat sheets, a pair of scissors, and some upholstery pins.


 
The flat sheets were thirteen dollars each at Wal-Mart, and I found the upholstery pins in the fabric section of the happiest place on earth Hobby Lobby for three dollars each.  I bought of each.  I honestly could have gone cheaper on the sheets, but these were the least expensive that I could find in a color that would match the only piece of furniture in the room that didn't need a slipcover--a brown microfiber chaise lounge that Jimmy's dad's girlfriend Monica gave us.  Still, a DIY slipcover for thirty-two dollarsisn't bad when you figure most store-bought ones are upwards of sixty.

Can I tell you a secret?

I should have just bought the damn slipcovers.

First of all, the assumption that the tutorial I followed makes is that you can cover any sofa with two king size sheets.  False.  I understand now that the likelihood is that the tutorial was assuming that the sofa would be against a wall, and the back wouldn't need to be covered.  Except, as you can clearly see, our couch is in the middle of the room, kind of dividing the room into a living room and a dining room.

First, you're supposed to take all the cushions off and cover the bottom and back of the couch with one of the sheets, and secure it with the upholstery pins.


Okay.  Check.  Did that.  Except for the little scrunched up area in the corners, which I figured I could cover when I did the arms, it looked alright.

Next, you're supposed to wrap the cushions in the other sheet.  Once again, I think there was an assumption made that only the bottom of the couch has cushions to cover.  False again.


In any event, I laid the cushions on the floor as directed.  Then, I wrapped the cushions up and battled the stupid upholstery pins secured them with the pins.

 
This part is harder than it looks.  Those pins DID NOT want to twist in to the cushions as they were supposed to.

Then I wrestled placed the cushions back on the couch.

Then on to round two, with the cushions for the back.

It was somewhere around this point that I realized that I most definitely DID NOT have enough fabric to do the arms. So I wrapped the top cushions with that was left of the fabric.

Did I mention how hard it was to secure the upholstery pins?

That would be the safety pin I used when I gave up on the upholstery pins.

So now, the couch looks like this:

I'll be the first to admit that it looks more than a little ridiculous.  At some point, I'll go back to Wal-Mart and get another sheet (hopefully a twin should do it).  But for now, it HAS stopped the---

Okay.  Literally, I was writing this post at work, and planned on finishing it at home.  When I got home, all

six cushions were on the floor, the sheets were in a tangled knot, and the dogs were hiding from me under the kitchen table.

So I think Pinterest and I still aren’t speaking to each other.

2 comments:

  1. I did a project like this once and it turned out pretty good but that was over 25 years ago so I can't remember how I did it.

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  2. All the ones I've found seem to either work by sewing, or magic. Which are basically the same thing.

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